Getting ready for an evening in

Most advice about getting ready for a night together is really about performing for someone else. This guide isn't. Getting ready is for you first. It's the half hour when you stop being the person who answered email all day and become the person who's about to spend an evening with someone they like. Done well, it's relaxing in its own right, and it means you walk into the room comfortable in your own skin instead of worrying about it.

None of what follows is required. Pick the parts that make you feel good and skip the rest.

Start earlier than you think

The most common mistake is leaving everything for the last twenty minutes. Some of it shouldn't happen on the night at all.

• Hair removal a day or two before, if your skin tends to react. Fresh shaving or waxing can leave skin pink and tender for hours, sometimes longer.
• Nails the day before. Freshly clipped nails need a file to lose their sharp corners.
• Anything new, well in advance. A new cream, a new razor, a new scent. The night itself is the wrong time to find out your skin disagrees with it.

That leaves the pleasant parts for the evening: a shower, a little moisturizer, getting dressed.

Hair: there's no right amount

How much body hair to keep is entirely your call, and it's the same call for everyone. Some people remove all of it, some trim, and some leave everything exactly as it grows. Partners usually care much less than people fear, and if you're curious what yours likes, asking is easier than guessing. What matters is that you're comfortable.

If you do want to change things, here are the honest trade-offs.

Trimming

The easiest and the gentlest option. A body trimmer with a guard takes hair short without touching the skin, so there's no razor burn, very few ingrown hairs, and no stubble itch two days later. Use a longer guard the first few times until you know the length you like, and trim on dry hair. It's a good default for anyone who wants things tidier without the upkeep.

Shaving

Smooth and quick, but it doesn't last. Stubble usually comes back within a day or two, and shaving is the method most likely to cause razor burn and ingrown hairs. It goes better if you:

• Trim long hair first, so the razor isn't dragging.
• Shave at the end of a warm shower, when hair is soft.
• Use a fresh blade and a proper shave gel or cream, not bar soap.
• Go with the grain on sensitive areas. Against the grain is closer and much harsher.
• Rinse with cool water and pat dry. Don't rub.

Waxing and sugaring

Hair comes out at the root, so the result lasts a few weeks. It stings, especially the first time, and skin is often red for a day afterward, which is why it's better booked a day or two ahead. For anywhere hard to see or reach, a professional is the safer bet. Hair needs some length for the wax to grip, so expect an awkward stage while it grows out between appointments.

Depilatory creams

These dissolve hair at the surface. They're painless and last a little longer than shaving, but they're strong chemicals and the method most likely to irritate. So:

• Patch test first. Put a small amount on a small area, as the package directs, and wait the full time it says (often a day) to see how your skin takes it.
• Use the one made for that area. Body, face and bikini creams are different strengths, and many say plainly that they aren't for the groin or genitals at all. Read the label.
• Time it exactly. Leaving it on longer won't remove more hair. It will just sting.

Longer-term options

Laser hair removal and electrolysis reduce hair over months of sessions. They're a bigger decision than one evening and worth reading up on separately.

Skin

Soft skin is mostly a few small habits kept up for a few days in a row.

• Exfoliate gently. A washcloth, a soft mitt or a mild scrub two or three times a week keeps skin smooth and helps hairs grow out instead of curling back in. Skip it on freshly shaved or waxed skin, which is tender enough already.
• Moisturize after the shower, while your skin is still a little damp. Something light and unscented is best if you'll be close to anyone's face. Give it a few minutes to sink in before you put on anything you don't want marked.
• Leave ingrown hairs alone. Don't dig at them with tweezers or a pin. Regular, gentle exfoliation is the best prevention. If one gets red, sore or swollen, or just won't settle, check with a doctor.
• Mind your lips and heels. A balm for dry lips and a minute with a foot file get noticed more than you'd think.

If any skin stays itchy, sore or irritated, stop whatever you think caused it and check with a doctor.

Scent: go lighter than you think

Scent is lovely and easy to overdo, because you stop noticing your own within minutes while everyone else keeps smelling it.

• Scent the body or the room, mostly not both. If you're wearing perfume or cologne, keep the room soft or skip the candle. Two strong scents in a closed room fight each other.
• One or two sprays, not five. Put it where you're warm, like the wrists or the base of the throat, and let it settle before you get dressed.
• Keep fragrance off sensitive skin. Perfume, scented lotion and scented oil don't belong anywhere delicate, on either of you.
• Clean skin is a scent of its own. Plenty of people like it best.

For the room, a diffuser on low or a single candle lit half an hour ahead is plenty.

Breath and teeth

It's what people worry about most, and the easiest to fix.

• Brush and floss just before the evening starts, not hours earlier. Floss does more for breath than mouthwash.
• Brush your tongue too, or use a scraper.
• Watch the menu. Garlic, raw onion and strong coffee linger. If you both eat the same thing, it cancels out, which is a good argument for sharing.
• Keep water by the bed. A dry mouth is the usual cause of stale breath in the moment.
• Mints over gum. Nobody wants to wonder where to put the gum.

Hands and nails

Hands go everywhere tonight, so give them five minutes.

• Short, smooth nails. Clip them, then file the edges. The file is what takes off the sharp corners that catch on skin, or on silk.
• Clean underneath. A nail brush in the shower does it.
• A little hand cream, well before you need your hands. Greasy hands are no fun to hold.
• Long nails are fine if you love them. Keep the edges smooth and your touch soft.

The shower or bath

This is where getting ready turns into the evening. Take it slowly.

1. Warm the bathroom first. Run the water for a minute with the door closed and let the room steam up a little.
2. Lower the light. Turn off the bright overhead if you can, and shower by a candle or the light from the hall.
3. Wash, don't scrub. A mild, unscented wash is kindest on sensitive skin, since fragrance is the usual reason things sting.
4. Trim or shave here, if it's happening tonight, then rinse with cool water.
5. Towel off gently and moisturize while you're still warm.

Or share it. A shower together starts the evening before anything else does, and a bath for two is even slower. How to plan an intimate evening has more ideas for that first half hour.

Getting dressed, or not

Wear what makes you feel good, not what you think you're supposed to wear. That might be lingerie, a soft robe, a favorite worn-in T-shirt, or nothing at all under a blanket. A few practical thoughts:

• Easy to take off beats impressive. A row of tiny hooks looks great until someone has to undo it.
• Comfortable enough to sit in. If you can't relax on the edge of the bed in it, it's the wrong thing.
• A robe is underrated. It's warm and soft, it opens with one tie, and it's as good for afterward as for before.

The nightstand checklist

Set this up before you get in the shower, so nobody is hunting through a drawer later.

• A glass or bottle of water for each of you.
• Lip balm.
• Tissues, and a small towel or two.
• Lube if you use it, condoms if you need them, and anything else you'll want close.
• A hair tie.
• Your phone on silent, face down, or better, in another room.
• A blanket or throw within reach for afterward.

A caddy that tucks under the mattress and hangs over the side keeps the small things within reach and off the nightstand. Designing a discreet intimate space covers where all of it lives the rest of the week.

Skip the pressure

Getting ready is supposed to make you feel good. If it starts to feel like an inspection, do less. Nobody worth sharing a bed with is checking your heels. What most partners notice is simpler: that you look relaxed and glad to be there.

When the evening is over, the art of aftercare covers the part that comes after.