Choosing and using lubricant

Lube is the cheapest upgrade in intimacy, and the one people are oddly shy about. Some treat it as a fix for a problem. It isn't. Bodies vary a lot day to day, and a little extra glide makes almost everything more comfortable. Using it says you care about comfort, nothing more.

Choosing the right one is mostly about compatibility, with your body and with whatever toys or condoms you use. This guide goes through the types, the ingredients worth reading for, and how to actually use it.

The four main types

Water-based

Water-based lube is the versatile default. It's safe with every toy material and every type of condom, it washes off skin and sheets easily, and it feels the most like natural lubrication. The trade-off is that it absorbs and dries over time, so you'll reapply. A splash of water or a little more lube brings it back.

If you're buying one bottle, buy this one.

Silicone-based

Silicone lube is long-lasting and very slick. It doesn't absorb into skin, so a small amount goes a long way, and it doesn't wash away in water, which makes it the one to reach for in the shower or bath. It's compatible with latex condoms.

The catch is that it can damage silicone toys over time, leaving the surface tacky or pitted. Keep it for skin-on-skin, or for toys made of steel or glass. It also takes soap and water to wash off, and it can leave marks on some fabrics.

Hybrid

Hybrids blend water and silicone. They last longer than water-based and clean up more easily than pure silicone, with a creamy feel some people love. Because they contain silicone, check the label before using one with silicone toys. Some makers say theirs is fine. Others advise against it.

Oil-based

Coconut oil and massage oils feel rich and last a long time, and they're popular for external massage. But oil breaks down latex, which makes latex condoms more likely to fail. Never pair oil with latex condoms or diaphragms. Polyurethane and nitrile condoms are compatible, so check your condom's packaging. Oil is also hard to wash out of fabric, and some people find it irritating internally. It's best kept for skin.

Matching lube to toys and condoms

The quick version:

• Silicone toys: water-based. Hybrids only if the label says so.
• Steel and glass toys: anything.
• TPE and other soft materials: water-based.
• Latex and polyisoprene condoms: water-based or silicone. Never oil.
• Polyurethane or nitrile condoms: any type.

Not sure about a specific pairing? The lube and material compatibility checker answers it in a second. Our guide to body-safe materials and cleaning explains why the materials behave the way they do.

Ingredients worth reading for

Labels are worth a glance, especially if you've ever had irritation after sex.

Glycerin and sugars. Common in water-based and flavored lubes. They add sweetness and glide, but some people find them irritating, and some people who get yeast infections find glycerin-free lube easier on them. If that's you, look for glycerin-free.

Fragrance and flavor. Fun for external and oral use, and a common source of irritation internally. Keep flavored lubes for where they're meant to go.

Warming and tingling formulas. These use ingredients that create a warming or cooling feel. Some people enjoy it and others find it stings. Patch-test first, and keep them away from internal use if you're sensitive.

Numbing agents. Some lubes, often marketed for anal sex, contain a local anesthetic. Most sex educators advise against them, because pain is a useful signal that something needs to slow down. More lube and more time are better answers.

"Body-friendly" formulas. Some water-based lubes are very concentrated and can draw moisture out of tissue, leaving things drier later. Brands that describe their lube as pH-balanced or iso-osmotic are designed to be gentler on sensitive tissue. If you're prone to irritation, they're worth trying.

Trying to conceive. Many lubes can affect sperm movement. If you're trying for a pregnancy, look for one labeled fertility-friendly, and ask your clinician if you have questions.

Whatever you buy, patch-test something new on the inside of your wrist first, and stop using anything that stings or itches.

What not to use

Plenty of things around the house seem slippery enough. Most aren't designed for internal use:

• Petroleum jelly. Hard to wash out, and it breaks down latex.
• Lotions and body creams. Often full of fragrance and alcohol, and they absorb quickly.
• Spit. Dries almost immediately, and isn't sterile.
• Cooking oils and butter. The same latex problem as any oil, plus everything else.

A purpose-made lube costs very little and saves a lot of discomfort.

How to use it

Use more than you think. The most common mistake is too little. Start with a generous amount, and reapply as soon as anything starts to feel draggy rather than waiting for it to be uncomfortable.

Warm it first. A few seconds between your palms takes the chill off.

Apply it to both sides. On the body and on the toy or condom. It spreads more evenly.

Anal play always needs lube. The anus doesn't make its own lubrication. A thicker water-based gel or a silicone lube stays put longer.

A rinse beforehand is optional. Some people like a quick rinse first for peace of mind, and many skip it entirely. If you do, use plain lukewarm water, keep the pressure low and stop after one or two gentle rinses. A shower system makes it simple: CleanStream's screws in between the shower pipe and the shower head, with a valve that switches the water between the two.

Keep it within reach. A bottle in the nightstand means reapplying doesn't interrupt anything. A pump bottle you can work with one hand is a small luxury.

Lube through life's changes

Hormonal shifts change natural lubrication, and lube becomes a bigger part of comfort for many people at certain times. That includes after a baby and while breastfeeding, through perimenopause and menopause, and during some medical treatments. We cover those seasons in more depth in reconnecting after a baby and intimacy through menopause, and there's a guide to intimacy as we age as well. If dryness is persistent or painful, talk to a clinician. Lube helps in the moment, and there are other treatments for ongoing dryness that a clinician can recommend.

Cleanup and storage

Water-based lube rinses off with water and comes out of sheets in a normal wash. Silicone and oil need soap. For fabric, work a little dish soap into the spot before washing.

Silicone lube makes floors and bathtubs very slippery. Wipe up spills right away, especially in the shower.

Most lubes have an expiration date. Check it now and then, keep the cap closed, and store bottles upright so they don't leak.

Our short list

If you want a simple setup that covers almost everything:

• A good water-based lube for everyday use and toys.
• A silicone lube for the shower, or for longer sessions without toys.
• If you're sensitive, a glycerin-free, pH-balanced water-based lube in place of the first.

Every toy in The Edit lists its material, so you can match a lube to it before you buy. And if you're setting up the bedroom for an evening, planning an intimate evening covers what else to keep within reach.