Wax play, done safely

Wax play is exactly what it sounds like: letting warm, melted candle wax fall onto a partner's skin. Each drop arrives as a small, bright shock of heat that fades into warmth as the wax cools and sets. It's one of the most approachable corners of sensation play, because the gear is cheap, the setup is simple and the feeling is easy to adjust.

It's also the one corner where the gear really matters. The wrong candle can burn skin badly. The right candle, used from the right height, gives the warmth without the harm. Almost everything in this guide comes back to that difference.

The short version

• Use only low-temperature candles. Plain soy candles or candles made for wax play. Never beeswax, tapers or ordinary decor candles.
• Test on yourself first. A drop on your own inner wrist tells you how hot it really is.
• Start high and come down slowly. The farther the wax falls, the cooler it lands.
• Stick to fleshy, forgiving areas. The back, shoulders, buttocks and thighs. Never the face, and never anywhere inside the body.
• Protect the bed and the room. An old sheet or towel underneath, the candle on a steady tray, and nothing that can catch fire nearby.
• Know what to do if it's too hot. Cool running water, right away, and see a clinician for a blister.

Choosing the right candle

This is the part not to skip. Candles are made from different waxes, and they melt at very different temperatures. A drop that feels pleasantly warm from one candle can raise a blister from another.

Safe to use:

• Plain soy candles. Soy wax melts at a low temperature, and plain, undyed soy candles in a jar or tin are easy to find. Unscented is best, since fragrance oils can irritate skin.
• Candles made for wax play. These are blended to melt at a lower temperature and often come in colors that look striking on skin. Check that the label says they're made for use on skin.
• Massage candles. Strictly speaking these aren't wax play, since they melt into warm oil rather than wax that sets. But pouring one is the gentlest possible introduction to the feeling of something warm landing on skin, and a good first step if you're not sure you'll like it.

If you're new to this, begin with a massage candle. The one we'd point to is the Kama Sutra Ignite massage candle, a coconut oil and soy candle that melts into warm oil at a low temperature. It's the one we've used ourselves. You light it, let a small pool form, blow it out and pour.

When you want wax that drips and sets, use a candle made for exactly that. The Master Series Flame Drippers are three small candles in glass jars, made for wax play and blended to melt at about 122°F (50°C), well below an ordinary household candle. Test them on your wrist like any new candle.

Never use:

• Beeswax. It melts much hotter than soy and holds its heat. Lovely for lighting a room, wrong for skin.
• Tapers and dinner candles. They're made with harder, hotter-melting waxes so they stand up and burn slowly. Dripless tapers are designed specifically to resist melting, which tells you what you need to know.
• Ordinary decor and scented candles. Pillars, jar candles from the home store, anything with a strong scent or deep dye. You usually can't tell what's in the blend, and additives that help a candle hold its shape or color often raise its melting point.
• Anything with glitter, metallic finishes, dried flowers or other things embedded in the wax.

If you can't tell what a candle is made of, don't use it on skin. Light it for the room instead.

Test it on yourself first

Every new candle gets tested, and every evening starts with a test, because the same candle can run hotter once a deep pool of wax has built up.

Light the candle and let a small pool of wax form. Then let a single drop fall onto your own inner wrist from about the height you plan to use. The inner wrist is thinner and more sensitive than most of the places you'll pour on a partner, so if it's comfortable there, it's a reasonable sign it'll be comfortable elsewhere.

You're looking for a quick flash of heat that fades within a second or two. If it stings, lingers or leaves the skin red, the wax is too hot for that height. Go higher, or try a different candle.

The partner pouring should do the test. The partner receiving can do one too, and many people like to, so they know what's coming.

Height and distance

Height is your main control. Melted wax cools as it falls, so the higher you hold the candle, the cooler each drop lands.

• Start high. Begin with the candle around two to three feet above the skin. From there, most low-temperature wax lands as a gentle warmth.
• Come down slowly. If you both want more, lower the candle a few inches at a time, testing as you go.
• Don't get close. Never hold a lit candle near the skin, and never let the flame come anywhere near a person. A foot above the skin is about as close as most people ever want to go.
• Keep moving. Drops landing in the same spot build up heat. Move along the body so each area has time to cool.
• Pour, don't dump. Tip the candle slowly so a few drops fall at a time. A sudden splash of a full pool of wax is much hotter than a few drops.

Some couples blow out the flame and pour from the melted pool instead. It takes fire out of the picture, though the wax starts cooling right away, so you'll need to relight now and then. Either way, keep the candle tilted so wax never runs onto your own hand.

Where to pour, and where never to

The best places are fleshy, broad and not especially sensitive. They take heat well and give the wax somewhere to sit.

Good places to start:

• The upper and middle back, either side of the spine.
• The shoulders.
• The buttocks.
• The backs and outer sides of the thighs.
• The upper arms.

As you both learn what you like, some people move on to the chest, stomach and inner thighs, which are more sensitive. Go higher and slower there.

Never pour on:

• The face, eyes, ears and neck. The skin is thin and the eyes can't be protected from a stray drop.
• The genitals, and never anywhere inside the body. Wax is not body-safe for that, and the skin there burns easily.
• Hair, including the scalp. More on that below.
• Broken, sunburned or irritated skin, a new tattoo, a fresh piercing, or skin that's been shaved, waxed or exfoliated in the last day or so.
• Anywhere with reduced feeling, where someone might not notice a drop is too hot. That includes areas affected by nerve damage, numbness or scar tissue.

Be extra careful with anyone who has diabetes, circulation problems or any condition that affects how they feel heat on their skin. If that's either of you, talk to a clinician first.

Hair and fabric

Hair. Wax hardens around hair and is a nuisance to get out. Tie long hair back and away from the area you're pouring on. Body hair is fine in moderation, though taking the wax off later will pull a little. A thin layer of unscented lotion or oil on the skin beforehand helps the wax lift off cleanly. Keep the bottle well away from the flame.

Fabric. Melted wax soaks into fabric and dyed wax can stain it permanently. Don't wear anything you'd mind losing, and keep wax off good bedding, upholstery and rugs.

Protecting the bed

The simplest protection is the best one: an old flat sheet or a couple of old towels, laid over the bed or the floor where you'll be. Choose something you don't mind throwing away if it ends up covered in wax. A dark color hides any marks that won't come out.

Lay it down before anyone lights anything, and tuck it in so it doesn't slide. If you're using a dedicated room, a wipe-clean surface works too. A vinyl or leather bench can be scraped clean once the wax has cooled.

Avoid fluffy throws, faux fur and loose blankets in the immediate area. They catch drips, they're hard to clean, and they burn easily.

Fire safety basics

You're bringing an open flame into a room full of fabric, so a few habits are worth building from the very first evening.

• Put the candle on a steady, heatproof tray when you're not holding it, on a nightstand or a solid surface. Never on the bed, never on a pillow, never on the floor where someone could knock it.
• Keep the flame clear of curtains, bedding, hair, rope, lace and anything else that burns.
• Have water within reach. A glass of water or a damp towel on the nightstand puts out a stray flame and cools skin fast.
• Never leave a lit candle unattended, even for a minute. If you both get distracted, blow it out first.
• Don't combine it with restraint until you're both comfortable with wax play on its own. Someone who can't move away from heat needs a partner who's paying very close attention.
• Check your smoke detector works, and know where your fire extinguisher is.
• Snuff it out when you're done, before aftercare, before anyone falls asleep.

Keep matches and lighters on the tray too, so nobody's reaching across the flame to find them.

Stay sober and stay focused

Wax play asks the person pouring to keep track of a flame, a height and a partner all at once. Alcohol dulls judgment and slows reactions, and it can make the person receiving less sensitive to heat. Keep the drinks for another night.

What to do if it's too hot

Sometimes a drop lands hotter than expected. If it does:

1. Stop right away, set the candle down safely, and check on your partner.
2. Cool the skin under cool running water for around twenty minutes. Not ice and not ice water, which can damage skin further.
3. Let any wax on the area cool and come off on its own under the water. Don't peel or scrape wax off skin that's been burned.
4. Don't put butter, oil or toothpaste on it. Cool water is the right first step.
5. Cover it loosely with a clean, non-fluffy dressing if it needs covering.

A small red patch that settles within an hour or so is common and usually nothing to worry about. Seek medical care for any blister, for a burn larger than a coin, for any burn on the face, hands, feet or genitals, or if the pain gets worse instead of better. Don't pop a blister.

Then talk. Stop for the night if either of you is shaken, and work out what went wrong. Usually the candle was too hot, or it got too close.

Taking the wax off

Once the wax has cooled and hardened, most of it flakes off easily. Many people enjoy this part as much as the pouring.

• Peel or flick it off with fingertips.
• Use something dull and flat for stubborn patches, like the edge of a plastic card. Never anything sharp.
• A warm shower loosens the rest.
• Moisturize afterward with a plain, unscented lotion.

For the sheet or towel, let the wax harden and scrape off what you can. Put the fabric in the freezer for an hour and more will crack off. For what's left, lay brown paper or paper towels over it and press with a warm iron, moving the paper as it soaks up the wax. Wash as usual.

Aftercare

Wax play can leave someone feeling warm and floaty, or a little raw. Plan a few quiet minutes after:

• Check the skin together, in good light. A little pinkness is normal. Anything more, follow the steps above.
• Water and warmth. A glass of water and a blanket, since people often feel cold afterward.
• Talk about it. What did you like? What height felt best? Anything to change next time?

Our guide to the art of aftercare covers it in more depth, including the dip in mood some people feel a day or two later.

Talk before the first drop

Like anything new, wax play goes better when you've talked it through first, somewhere neutral and with your clothes on. Where are you both happy for wax to go? What's off limits? Is a blindfold welcome, or does not seeing the candle make it harder to relax? What's the stop word, and what's the signal if words are hard?

The limits and safewords card gives each of you somewhere to write that down in private and share it when you're ready. Our guide to talking about boundaries and safewords covers how to set up a safeword and a simple traffic-light check-in, and the Yes / No / Maybe list is a gentle way to find out whether wax is something you're both curious about in the first place.

Common questions

Is wax play safe?

It can be, with the right candle. Plain soy or candles made for wax play, tested on your own wrist and poured from a good height, give warmth without harm. Beeswax, tapers and ordinary decor candles melt far hotter and can burn.

Can you use regular candles for wax play?

No. Most decor candles, tapers and beeswax candles melt at temperatures that can burn skin, and you often can't tell what's in the blend. Use plain soy or candles made specifically for wax play.

How high should you hold the candle?

Start around two to three feet above the skin and come down slowly if you both want more heat. The farther the wax falls, the cooler it lands. Test on your own wrist from each new height.

What should you do if wax burns?

Stop, and hold the area under cool running water for around twenty minutes. Don't use ice or peel wax off burned skin. Seek medical care for a blister, a burn larger than a coin, or a burn on the face, hands, feet or genitals.

Keep reading

• A gentle introduction to sensation play: temperature and texture, starting even gentler
• Massage night at home: the warm-oil version, with no wax at all
• Impact play, safely: the same care, a different sensation
• The art of aftercare: the minutes after, for both of you
• The Playroom: what each piece is for and how to start safely, with Braise Unlimited